I am back

I thought I would feel better if I blogged. Since Dad passed - our financial situation has taken a dive - not to mention that it is Christmas - everyone smiling - shopping - and here I am - no money to shop - and no joy inside me to smile. To say it has been tough is the understatement of the year. I have no sadness - yet I have no grief as well. I was told that the sadness chokes out the joy. I guess that is true. I don't even think I will send out Christmas cards this year - my heart is totally not in it - only put up the tree for Nic. I am waiting patiently for a glimmer of hope - to bring back the joy - it is taking way too long. Where are you Christmas??

Goodbye Dad

I knew in my heart sometime, perhaps this year; I would be writing this. My father is gone. He left this earth and us on October 29 at 5:30 pm. It was a Thursday afternoon. It all went so fast. You turn around and he is gone. He died in Loyola hospital with my Mom, and sister and I with him. I question if it made it easier being with him when he died. I know being there made his death understandable. Seeing his labored breathing - and the way he did not look at us let us know that he is in a better place.

This picture is the last one of my Father. I took it on Sunday when I had Mom, Dad, Gerry and Bob over for dinner. We were so happy, but; I at the same time was scared. We had a very hard time taking Dad to our house and back and I knew in my heart a problem was coming - and it would be sooner other than later.

The problem is I can't cry. I long to cry. I even feel I am doing Dad a disservice by not crying. I know that the time will come - just in it's own space and time.

Goodbye Daddy. I know you are in good hands in Heaven. God is holding you in the palm of his hand.

Great Day

I will post more pictures tomorrow. But, let me say that I had a wonderful weekend. I am so grateful to be alive. I was lucky last weekend, and this weekend was pure bliss. This just shows that no matter grim today is - and at times it gets very very grim - there is always tomorrow. Thank you God I will never let go of this second chance.......

Change of Life

This Saturday Andy & I drove to Indiana to cut the grass. Neither one of us wanted to go.... I was mowing - as I got up to the birdbath - I hit a nest of yellow jackets. Needless to say they swarmed me and stung me over 15 times. Well, I found out that I am allergic to something and that something is yellow jackets. I ended up in the ER swollen tongue and all. To make a long story short I am ok - but life for me has changed. Many people told me I could have died that day and now I carry an EPI pen with me. I am still at the point of disbelief, but; what I do know for sure is at that point all the little things in my life that seemed so big, work, etc., seemed so very very small, and that lesson is what I want to carry with me throughout my life - that family, friends, love and trust are the only sure things in this world, the rest are clutter that get in the way of what really counts. I thank God for these things, and hope that I will always remember to learn from this experience.

Frustration!!!!!!

I am so totally frustrated today.

Andy & I have had two days off already - little bit left of vacation time. Since Nic is in school we are staying home. Thursday was ok - got our garage door totally up and running - put up my fall stuff-not too bad. Yesterday was awesome - we saw the Julie Child movie - loved it - we went out to lunch - went to Nic's football game (they won & Nic played the whole game) then, we watched a movie, had manhattans, and some great brie cheese. How good was that? Today we were supposed to drive to Indiana but; Dad fell - Mom thought it was a bad idea to go - so we stayed home. I am house cleaning - and it basically is sucking. I am longing for something fun to do. All we ever do is work at work, work and home, and I basically drive everyone around. I want so badly to do something different.....Just have to find out what that different is.....

Garage Door

Well, we finally had to replace our garage door. The spring on the other one broke and there was a big hole in it. Nic's room got very cold in the winter, and then; there was the mouse issue. Well, quite a lot of money later - it is fixed. Here are the before and after shots. Major curb appeal.

Nic's First Day

Nic's first day was last Thursday - here is a photo of how excited he was to be picked up by his bus at 6:15 am. Welcome back Nic!!!!!

Football Season

Click clack.........Here it is - that season that we parents love to hate. Nic has already survived through shin splints (still), and a full blown asthma attack on the field. One can only ask what's next? And sure enough tomorrow you will find out........ Here I sit laptop - and football field - welcome fall!

Amish Country

This year is our hardest financial year, in a long time. So, Andy & I had a garage sale. We used the money we made to have an overnite stay on our own. First time in 15 years. We went to Amish country. It hasn't rained here in a very very long time - it rained the whole day - but, it was worth it.

Mom's Birthday

Mom's birthday was a couple of weeks ago, but the memories live on and on. Sherri & I took her to see the Jersey Boys. It was a wonderful time! The show was awesome. Afterward, we went to Italian Village. It seems Mom used to go there when she was young. We had a wonderful time, and it would be terrible of me not to include this picture and a toast to my Mom, the best role model that a person could have. Love you Mom.

Happy Birthday ----To Me!

I think it's been 10 years since I wanted one. Yeah, I wanted one alright - just not the price. Well, Andy saved up and got me one for my 45 birthday!!! It actually smells like a new car! I love it so much - just terrified to use it - don't want to get it dirty!!!! I don't know when or where it will make it's appearance - I just know that it is all mine, and somehow turning 45 doesn't feel quite so bad, especially since I am still 44 for a couple hours.......

Day Two

Still out of it. I have no idea how I got sick. I think it is because I so very run down. Since my trip I have never had the opportunity to be actually home. All I do is run around pleasing everyone except me. That has to stop. I included some pictures from Dad's 84 Birthday. We are so lucky to still have him around. Happy belated birthday Dad - many, many more.....

July Fourth

Well here I sit. Sick..... My favorite holiday - and I am sick in bed with a high fever and a very very sick stomach. Not a total bust though - I have finally found time to put up some vacation pictures. We went to St. Augustine Florida. Wonderful! Nice break - although because of a day delayed flight I must quote Dorothy Gale - there is really no place like home.....

I'm Back

It has been awhile. Time has passed, for vacations, birthdays, and anniversary's. I will update photos this afternoon. I feel so neglectful, and after all this has been very very good for my soul....

Indiana

This time of year my heart leans towards Indiana.  I guess I am not the only one.  My Mother, brother and I all yearn for the times in our lives when things were much simpler.  A time where there were no bills to be payed, and no 8 am job to go to.  A time quite simply put - where time stood still.  Thanks to pictures time can stand still again - as I show this picture of my Grandmother, at home; in Indiana......

Memorial Day

I type this in honor of all that sacrificed their lives so that we all could be free.  My father is a World War II vet, as were all his brother as well.  God bless them all, and thank you all for letting us put our heads down peacefully tonight and every night.  We are so blessed.

Happy Birthday Nic!

Yes, I know it's Mother's Day, but; what is a mother without a child.  So, here are some of Nic's 15th birthday pictures.  It was very quiet.  Since it was a Monday, and Dad is not very well, we took a cake over to him.  Who says you need a big crow to have a party?

Dad & Rudy

Today I stopped by Mom's house - and encountered Dad and Rudy.  He is so very sweet, he thinks he is a real person.  His favorite seat is always the one at the kitchen table.  Sometimes, I wonder; as my Dad says if he could only talk!  Oh the stories that boy could tell!

Easter Memories

Our Easter this year was wonderful and blessed.  After a full Holy Week and a wonderful and traditional Good Friday it was on to David's house for Easter Dinner.  The perfect end to our blessed 40 days of Lent.  Even when times get their toughest I must remember how truly blessed we are just to be together and in this moment.  

Easter Pictures

HAPPY EASTER

Three very powerful words!

What a Surprise!!

Here we are at the beginning of April in Illinois, and we spot a turkey in a person's front yard!  Imagine our surprise!  Now, I have seen turkeys in Indiana before but never, ever, in Hinsdale Illinois.  The question remains is this a pet or Easter Dinner????  I hope to never find out.  

Back --- So Soon!

Easter Decorating

I am back

I know it's been awhile.  

Our house was a total disaster!  One thing broke down after another.  Andy & I were in a deep depression.  But, today; I thought of all the good things in the world, all our blessings - puts the world into perspective.  And, even though it is almost Easter and there is snow on the ground it does not matter when you have God and religion you have it all - truly.  

I promise to blog often and to include pictures - because; that is what life is all about, in this; my online diary..

Snap out of it!!!!!

It's been awhile. Haven't felt like blogging lately - don't know why, it is what usually gets me through. Nic was sick for the past two weeks, and the weather is really lousy. Just in a bad funk that is all.

It may sound silly, but I have become closer to God. I read the scriptures every day - and, they really become a part of my every day life. During Lent the passages ring so true to life, the economy today. It is amazing really, how something so ancient can apply itself to life today.

Oh well, I am just working through one day at a time. Trying to send off the depression before it consumes me. I do really need to snap out of it. I am winning small battles and am sure I will overcome the war........ I just need to remember that there is good in everyone and everything - it is up to us to find it.

Fat Tuesday

Happy Fat Tuesday! First time ever that I thought we would celebrate Fat Tuesday with a trip to Chucks for some Cajun food. I could just taste the gumbo, and then; Nic gets the flu. I mean the total upper respiratory flu! Poor kid can't breathe. I am not driving out to Burbank for gumbo - so; that idea is out. Besides that for me it is a total bloated out Fat Tuesday! And tomorrow, Lent begins. Where did the time go? As soon as I find out I will let everyone know. Enjoy the King Cake and let the day begin!

Happy Valentines

Yes, I know I am a day early - but, just in case I miss it - Happy Valentine's Day everyone! When I was single I really dreaded Valentine's Day. My sister and brother always had dates. I always ended up home alone - with my parents and an old movie. I would give alot for those times now.

Have a wonderful day!

A New Day

This picture was taken at Thanksgiving. Dad is looking pretty good. Since then, he has received Communion at home. Today for the first day since then - he went to Church. Our weather is now in the 50's so; most of the snow and the ice is behind us.... for now.... This only tells me one thing - that no matter how bad today is tomorrow is a new day - and life can change in an instant. I do not know why I did not go to that dance last night - I only know that my son and my husband are a little kinder since then. And, if that lasts only for a day I guess the heartache was worth it. And so, to quote Scarlet O'Hara - Tomorrow is another Day!!

Mother Son Dance

It never happened! I waited for this dance. Mother's told me it was wonderful. And, so; tonight was the night. At first I did not want to go. Then, it felt right. It felt nice to get dressed up, and to go out, and to be with my friends. I can honestly say that I was excited. I was ready, everything was perfect except for Nic. The dry cleaner - shrunk his cloths. They were the only dress cloths he had. I felt like Esther in "Meet me in St. Louis" on the night of the Christmas dance, when her date could not get his tuxedo out of the cleaners. Grandpa showed up and saved the day. Unfortunately for me there is no one to "save the day". The day is ruined. I can't honestly remember the last time I got dressed up to go somewhere. It was either to meet a client or to go to a wake - Honestly! For that matter I can't remember the last time that I was treated like a lady. Living with two men - they make you feel like one of them. What is most saddening about tonight is that Andy never said that I looked nice - OR that maybe he should take me out. I am so low. Think I will move to Saint Louis!

Long Weekend

There are long weekends, and then there are LONG weekends. It started with a trip on Friday to Bass Pro, to get Andy's birthday presents. A cast iron skillet was the big gift. He loves to cook and this was perfect - since receiving it Sunday he has used it twice and today is only Tuesday. Saturday was the celebration of his and Sherri's birthday at my Mom & Dad's house. I took pictures - and they did not turn out! Disappointing! Sunday we went out to eat with Andy's Mom & her friend. Lithuanian food - never my first choice - but always good and very FILLING! Later, came the Superbowl - exciting - and more eating!!!

On to yesterday and today - yesterday uneventful - just Monday never great but always there. And, then on to today. I feel a sense of sadness in me today. A friend of mine lost her Dad. She called during Christmas to tell me - but I was so caught up in myself and my own depression that I could not see to call her back. I spoke to her today - sick and tired of it all being about me and my menopause. I used to be a friend - for that matter I used to have friends! It is time to reconnect with me again. I used to be creative - I want it back! I want desperately to be a stay at home mom. But, our lives such as they are, could never survive without my income, they can barely survive now. So, I need to look inside - find myself again and start to be the creative caring person that I once was - it is never too late.................................

By the way that was not Andy's cake - that picture turned out bad too!!

The Eucarist & My Visit with St. Therese

This Saturday I completed my goal to become an Eucharistic minister to the Church. Yes, I have graduated. It was wonderful and I felt truly transformed. I also gave my first Eucharist. What a feeling! I only hope that I can live up to the ground work put down by Sr. Jane. She was wonderful and I will miss her inspiration this Saturday morning.

After I graduated I took a look in the book store. This was in the Carmelite National Shrine to St. Therese. Here relics were inspiring and her chapel gave me a feeling of utter tranquility. It was truly a gift of a day. St. Therese was a girl from a family of I think 9 children - I believe 5 of them died. Her mother died when she was very young - at 15 she wanted to be a nun - they petitioned the Pope, and here dream was realized. She became ill in her 20's with TB and died at 24 years young. She is called the "little flower". When she was sick she wrote a book about her sickness, The Story of a Soul, can't wait to read it.

I believe this is the year of giving back - it is the only way to feel truly transformed - and to leave a purpose on this earth - because that is really what we are all here for - a purpose...

Change has Come

And so, it has come. Unbelievable that a black man is the President of the United States. When I think of all the history that my 14 year old son has seen already, it makes me stop and pause, and wonder - just what is ahead for this county? I pray that this man will indeed change the United States. Change has come!

Peace

I am truly amazed. The holidays went by so very quickly. I am looking through New Year's pictures, and wondering what this year will bring. We were so very blessed last year. No, not financially; in fact that went the opposite way. We were blessed by way of our family, and; the day to day experiences of life. This weekend I will start my classes to become a Eucharistic minister to the sick. I am both excited and apprehensive about this endeavor. Where will it lead me, and am I ready to meet people who I might never see again. I think life is all about giving back, and if you do that God will reward you in small ways. Although we will never ever be rich in the wallet - we will become rich in the spirit. Nic started this by working in a soup kitchen on Friday. He said it felt good, and maybe in someway that is what this year should truly be about.

Christmas Pictures

Enjoy!

New Year

And so, as quickly as the holidays came, they left. Poor Newman was very sad to loose his Christmas tree. I, on the other hand; was at peace to see it go. We had wonderful holidays. Starting from Thanksgiving on to New Year's day. I am tired and happy to put the house back in order, and enjoy the peace - if just for awhile. I am a little apprehensive about what this year will bring. With faith in the good Lord we can handle anything.

Happy New Year, Happy New You.

They tell me attitude is everything.....